9-29-12

I'm so glad I decided to create a blog. I need the freedom to vent without worrying about who I may offend. Not that I would intentionally but I have a right to my own fears that no one will ever truly understand. 

Counting to down to cerclage time: The dreaded cerclage that I was hoping to avoid but forced into since it's either that or do nothing. It's pretty much the same thing as doing nothing, I wouldn't be surprised to experience a failure due to my cervix dilating right passed it like it's not even there. Yet OBs left and right say it'll be fine. Of course it will be fine for them, it'll be grand for THEM, they don't have to pick up the pieces of shattered lived when another child is needlessly lost. On to golf games on the weekend and spending time with family like nothing happened. Name a time when a doctor offered to cover the cost of a funeral for their botched and pathetic efforts placing a crappy cerclage? I'll wait..........................

Here's to embracing this piece of shit cerclage on the 8th. I even picked out a name; dollar menu. It's cheap, lazy, pathetically put together and inferior in quality, it even has McDonald in the name. Fits perfectly in my opinion. 

9-2-12

My little blueberry's first picture courtesy of the ER visit for bleeding after Azriel's balloons went up to meet him. Very scary but thankfully all looks okay. It made me realize that I really am wishing my pregnancy away. With all the hopes for a TAC dashed, stressing about not having many options and only looking down the road to November, mentally preparing for a second loss in less than a year.... I'm not enjoying the fact that my baby is here now. I'm pregnant today. I don't want to look back and wish I would have enjoyed my moments. I did with Azriel, and this little one deserves the same. Besides, 7+ weeks and still no MS?! I'm way over due.. So sweetie, starting today it's time to just relish in having you here. Of course I'll never stop fighting to protect you and if I think care providers aren't doing enough, they won't hear the end of it. It's not just me, your Daddy is no pushover either and with both of us together at every appointment.. well, I'm sure you can guess. :)