10-26-12

Decisions, decisions about how to move forward in my care with this pregnancy. I truly resent my cervix, not surprisingly. It's really holding me back, I can't even drive long distances without being in pain and considering the baby still has lots of growing to do, it will get worse before it gets better. I really wish I could locate more supportive providers, I know they're out there but getting to them would be the problem. I hope those who have a normal cervix appreciate it because this really sucks! 

Sigh* How can you reason with providers that don't really have a supportive attitude to begin with. It seems they just do as little as possible with care and they can't wait to clock out. I doubt they would tolerate that kind of care for themselves or their loved ones, but we're supposed to be grateful for half-assed care?!? I can't wait to make it to hopefully make it to 35 weeks do I can get back to a cars provider that I do feel supported by, my regular OB. 

10-25-12

I'm really blessed to have an amazing support group, and not for IC but for the scar type on my uterus from my c-section. Funny how that worked out, even though it's nice to have a support group for IC, the feeling just isn't the same. I feel more understood in my scar group and I'm really thankful for that. I truly need it now. I've been crying non stop, the horrible nightmares, the lousy pernatologist we have to deal with.. I can't wait to get to the end but at the same time, this is most likely the last baby. I would like to enjoy being pregnant and have it last, but without feeling supported by those who are SUPPOSED to care for you, it's very hard. 
I guess this isn't going to really get better until the baby gets here. On the plus side, I feel more hopeful for a planned c-section. I still wonder if maybe I'd be better off trying for a vbac but I'll see what happens. 

10-14-12

The dollar menu was placed almost a week ago. It's physically a lot harder to get around than I thought it would be. Thankfully, my husband has been a great help and scored a great wheelchair. My 5 year old's teachers have been very sweet and understanding and help get him to the car so I don't have to get out and walk. I'm very grateful for that. 

Next step is my appointment with my regular OB to discuss options for a planned c-section. At least something should be a positive experience, settling for this lousy cerclage and even worse care providers is bad enough, then they expect me to plan my c-section with them????!!!! Yuck! Even though my husband likes the hospital, I do not want anything to do with that place after week 35. (assuming I make it there) Other people can use "baby steps" in a high risk pregnancy if they want but I don't completely agree with that mind set. Unless you already have a provider you like and trust, finding one takes time. So while I'm able, I'm starting the search. 

I also made the decision to not talk about my pregnancy in any IC forums until I feel up to it again. I'm glad everyone was supportive of my feelings and would welcome me back when I was ready. I hope I can get to that point but for now, it's best to find my own way through this. How could anyone else understand when they have game plans and doctors they trust? I just can't relate to anyone, I feel like I've just been set up to fail and go through another loss. That's certainly going to be uplifting to write about for the next few months, it's just better not to talk about it there and find a different support source. I just have to find one...